By Jane Cassady:

Aries (March 21-April 18): Happy Birthday to my dad, the standup comedian. In one of his jokes, he points out that no matter how much you mess up in traffic, you just do a little apologetic wave. He feels that you should be able to use the little wave in other parts of life as well. This week, wave off all of your mistakes and drive on. 

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “This is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you, and from above you how I sank into your soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go.” (Neutral Milk Hotel) Let someone get to know you THAT well, even if it’s messy.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Keep plugging away. / Keep on truckin’. / Keep the faith in a tiny glass jar and only unscrew the lid when you’re feeling doll-sized. You can do this/ it/ anything.” (Rob Sturma)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Whatever you’ve lost, it’s okay. Let it go. Soon enough, you’ll be collecting love like a wildflower bouquet. So many different kinds of wild love.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): On Easter, my wife and I had every intention of going on a nature walk. But when we got to the park, the sun was so appealing and we felt so relaxed that we took a nature nap instead, right there by the birdfeeders. Do the same for yourself, soak up the sun.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “All images are shadows you did cast. They will/ gladly surrender their identity and reveal their/ potential the way a piece of paper would if it ever/ made love to a flame.” (Hafiz) I have to promise you again that the closeness and fire you’ve been looking for are coming.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra whose life seems very complicated right now—I hope you can find time to sit with yourself and breathe and paint. The bright colors at the center of you are always there, even when life is just swirling around you.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who has a first date tonight: may she get your geeky references. May she love standing next to your warmth. May she have an open mind and a semi-extroverted heart, May she be all full of your happiness. 

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Strip all the stereotypes away and see things as they are, in all of their gunked-up glory. Don’t just see the pretty things you hope for, love the whole messy truth.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): It may seem sometimes like there isn’t a safe place for you in the world, but there is. Put in earplugs and wrap yourself up in a blanket. In the quiet, let all of your daydreams unspool.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): It’s time to rethink your barriers, whatever tides you try to stem, what griefs you are trying to escape from. It’s time to jump into the current and swim, even if you have to swim a little while with tears.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Sometimes the best way to feel good is to do your homework. Revel in note taking, in filling out forms, in planning your presentations. Your brain will feel giddy with appreciation and use.

By Jane Cassady:

Aries (March 21-April 18): Buyers of romance novels purchase an average of fifty books per year, and those are pretty much all the same story. You’re a better and more original romantic, with at least fifty new stories per day.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “People want to see their genitals on your face.” (Megan Andelloux, founder and director The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) And while you’re at it, look ‘em in the eye.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “If you were to draw me in a comic book, / I would have a collar around my neck/ and the leash attached would be held by my heart. / It’d be a cartoony heart, more like a valentine/ and less like a fist.” (Rob Sturma)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Give up trying to keep up your correspondence and tell everyone to come visit you. That way, you’ll have a new bombshell or bearded stranger for every day of the week. Leave room for the stars on your dance card!

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Let us now praise introverts, sit down and talk to them one-on-one, leave spaces for them to get their words in and/or, even better, give them the house to themselves.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “I had a legitimate excuse for not going to the/ mosque or temple to pray. / It was because love is so wild in me I might/ break the fragile glass cage that all/ religions are made of.” (Hafiz)

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): The Universe is looking out for you and yours, I promise. Look at the flowers on the trees. Look at your beautiful body. Listen to the sweet hum of your caretaking heart.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): The stars hope you can take a day off work soon, sleep in with someone nice (Maybe yourself. Maybe the cats. Maybe a busty redhead who’s feeling experimental.) and take full advantage of spring fever.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): This week, pretend you are Reid Mihalko, inventor of the cuddle party. Fill every room with warmth. Dispense hugs generously. But still, make space for yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): On a panel about feminist porn, star and producer Tina Horn said “When people are given the freedom to do what they want, they do the nastiest shit I have ever seen.” Do whatever your empowered body tells you to, up to and including taking a nice nap.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Even if you are not in a position to light pretty flames in your hands and blow them out, you’ll find the warmth you need. When things are off-kilter, think of the comfortable distractions ready to run into your arms.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Mike Daisy may have fabricated parts of his story about Apple in China, but one thing is still for sure: nearly everything is made by hand. Think of that and feel connected.

By Jane Cassady:

Aries (March 21-April 18): Two hours of Mad Men might be too long—the stars are having trouble paying attention. Maybe next week will be better. Meanwhile, watch sitcoms and don’t think about snazzy advertising cads.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Take on a new assignment, and if none are offered, make one up. Any brand new project will do. Follow it wherever it wants you to go.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Team Peeta or Team Gale? Are you kidding me with this? Why in the world should she have to choose? Even in the dystopian future, is jealousy really still such a big deal? C’mon guys, get over it. Learn to share.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): A friend of mine is always having adventures that are just a little riskier than mine. I like my hijinx cozy and friendly, but hers are always a bit more of a leap. I think it’s okay to choose coziness, though. Either way, Cancer, make sure you’re adventurous this week.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): To my wife, who’ll be exploring Washington, DC while I am at Momentum Con this weekend—I hope you find some treasures that inspire you, whether it’s the original ruby slippers, your beloved Constitution, or even Julie Powell’s stick of butter on the old Julia Child set. Find your own history.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “What body would not want to surrender its tension to a skilled hand?” (Hafiz) There will be time for that, but for now, get back to yourself. Enjoy other fun. Remember how to steer yourself before you hand over the wheel again.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra friend I alienated last April: I looked at the pictures recently. I don’t see any of the bitterness or mistakes, just sweetness. If there were any way to get back to that, I’d take it.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio second-guessing my Scrabble word choices: Well, I’ve deferred to your judgment before, and that worked out okay. What other help would you like to offer me?

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): The stars recently went to Eastern State Penitentiary on a first date, but it’s really more of a third date kind of place. You’ll be glad to know that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Meditate on enclosures, ruins, refurbishment, and The Panopticon this week. Find your regrets and lock them up.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): For the month of April, many of my poet friends will be writing and posting a poem a day. I’m not sure if I’ll join in, as I’m feeling prosaic these days, but let’s try to find a project as urgent and sublime.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): See Gemini. Also: continued blessings to Spring love. 

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To my Pisces pal with a hurt foot: I guess I’ll have to stop telling you about walks to go on. Here’s hoping you have good books, warm cats, and snuggly friends to help you recover. If I were nearby, I’d bring you some hugs.

By Jane Cassady:

Aries (March 21-April 18): It’s almost the Mad Men premiere! Celebrate with a Don-like tumbler of Scotch and a Sally-like tantrum. The stars are so at the edge of our seats for a Sally Draper spinoff that we named our cat after her.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “”There is nothing you have ever done that is/ not innocent and will in any way be judged as/ wrong by anyone of true wisdom, / but such knowledge you will not be able to/ accept until your and an angel’s ways are/ more similar. It just works like that.” (Hafiz)

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I’m not searching for cherry lipstick/sparkle valentine baby animal cuddle beams. / Just maybe a sneak preview of / the matinee of your palm. / Maybe a note passed back across the classroom/ scrawled back with HECK YES.” (Rob Sturma) (Pssst, you’ll get the cuddle beams too.)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): It may be too early in the year for this, but the stars like to picture you chopping up peppers and onions and other rustic foodstuffs to take on a family camping trip. It’s okay if you only want to do this metaphorically.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Whatever sacred space you need, take it. Rope yourself off like a VIP and order some bottle service like you’re Kanye. Don’t forget to open up those velvet ropes, though. Other special someones might want to come in for drinks.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  See: Gemini. Also, write your heart out. Whatever’s hurtiest, give it as many paragraphs as it needs, then shred it and let it go. There are sooooooo many good paragraphs on the way.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): If someone needs your care this week, drop everything and give it. You will be rewarded in closeness and light and cake, so give it your absolute best.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Please make a list of your best qualities: your pretty eyes, your excellent book collection, other things the stars would blush to mention. Repeat the list to yourself every morning and night until you believe it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): To the Sagittarius who thought he was too big and tall to deserve love: this just blows my mind and makes me want to tear society down to the bones. Everybody is beautiful, dammit. Everyone’s divine!

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): To the Capricorn librarian awaiting a new child: your house is probably already full of books, but fill it some more. May your son’s little brother or sister grow uneventfully and auspiciously.  May your family, all families, be warm and forever.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Whoever you have shown your flaws to and whoever has called them beautiful, that’s what tangles heartstrings together. Show yourself and be loved.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Your household is full of momentous occasions, and if it isn’t, make some! Toast the cats and a New Girl episode any given Tuesday. Celebrate the kitchen appliances’ valiant service. Make a holiday out of soup or towels or spiral notebooks—so much to celebrate!

By Jane Cassady:

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces who just received the first copies of her first full-length collection of poems: when you send out your review copies, may you get back a million Valentines worth of praise. You are generous and dear, and you deserve it.

Aries (March 21-April 18): Like the couple in the season finale of Portlandia, look for a little extra adventure, even if it comes in the form of pancakes. You will fall in love with yourself all over again.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Dear Taurus I can’t stop writing to—I miss you. I wish I’d have met you a few months later, I’d’ve know what to do with you. But then, if I wouldn’t have met you, I wouldn’t have known what to learn. If you knew where to find it, you could read a whole list of really specific thanks. Gonna try to make this the last note to you, I promise.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I’m carrying all of the love of an orchestra.” (Noah and the Whale) Whether you dream of writerly success or for a coop of urban chickens, consider yourself on the right path. Let all kinds of ridiculous love buoy you up and carry you forward.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Swear off whatever you’ve been meaning to swear off, and see if it helps. The stars recently gave up watching The Fashion Police because they are too mean to bodies, and the bodies in our house appreciate it.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Be as specific with your wishes as this Leo’s request: “I am desiring a place of my own, one bedroom in NYC or University City, love with a man who is dark, tall, and has locs, enjoys working in the community maybe for low pay but he is dedicated and really loves it. Desires children but has none, considers himself more spiritual than religious (of the Christian persuasion), is open minded, liberal, honest, trustworthy and values family. I also desire to lose 20 lbs (lol) and have a child before 34.”

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  ‎”Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” (Paul Varjak in Breakfast at Tiffany’s) Whatever scars you still wear, consider them gifts. Let them carry you forward out of heartbreak and into your next series of adventures. May your first dates be lightning-crack attraction or deep new friendships—dare I say, both!

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Please put Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up” on your MP3 player and listen to it often to remind you of what’s stirring inside you. It’s something primal and deep and howly. The stars are sending you every blessing and wish in your quest for it, and please let us know how it’s going.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who requested a repeat of last week’s horoscope: It’s hard not to just tell people their true love is coming over and over, every week! Isn’t that why fortune-telling was invented? But the truth is, all kinds of love is coming your way, bounding toward you like a heard of puppies. Open your arms for them.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): You are a box of gourmet chocolates (curse Forest Gump for ruining chocolate box metaphors for everyone) and a beloved series on DVD. Feel free to consume both in one sitting. Enjoy.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Welcome to Spring Training. I’m not really sure what baseball players do there, but I imagine it has something to do with fundamentals. Practice your fundamentals. Play catch, run the bases, do a few hours of batting practice, any way you want to.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): To my Aquarius friend who is twitterpated: keep making the very most of Spring. Take long daffodil-y walks, go on picnics with children, celebrate any art you want to. You’re doing great!!

By Jane Cassady:

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You have a knack for telling your friends exactly what they need to hear in order to evolve, bits of wisdom like prizes in a video game. Ask them to do the same, and collect their bright answers like coins.

Aries (March 21-April 18): To the Aries who is going for the Don Draper Merit Badge for Sleeping With One’s Boss—sure, I like to picture this happening in full Mad Men regalia, but you are sooooo much better than him—all the oomph, but light years more humane.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s anyone in your past who ever underestimated you and made you feel like you are less than your hot, gorgeous self, mentally compose this email (mentally!)  (Heading: Dear Jackass) “Sometimes I think about you and all of the fun you are missing.” Then go out and have some more fun. Ha!

Gemini (May 19-June 21): The stars are currently reading The Hunger Games trilogy—we’re right in the middle of Catching Fire and so are you! You are rising up like the districts, livid against wasteful oppressions, and I’m pretty sure you are going to win.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Let jealousy be your guide. Whatever someone else has that hurts your heart, write it out in deep detail, figure out exactly what it is and find a way to get a version of it that is just your own, at least for the time being.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): More projects are on the way, ones that catch your fancy and fill you with momentum. Carry your camera, your notebooks, your sketchbooks everywhere. Blog, write, email, and voice-record your notes. You may not know what you are building, but you are building.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “This is my body, I fuck with it.” (Nicole Homer) This week, your job is to write love letters to your body, which does so much for you. Find it lots of treats and rewards, untoward or otherwise.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the stars’ number one dance partner in the world—thank your for every minute of simple joy we can sneak in, for the omnipresent house music in our hearts, for the adorable smiles that go so well with our goth outfits. Let’s put some dancing on the calendar.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Your true love is coming, and it looks like this: someone shy but with enough moxie to get you two together. Someone who appreciates your secret naughty side and the fact that you think the walk of shame should be renamed. Someone to add to your collection of naked pictures, mental or actual.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Practice following your instincts. Write down three questions and close your eyes. When you open them, you’ll know the answers.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I’m drawing a blank for you, Capricorn! You must know exactly what to do without me telling you?

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): ”When things start to happen, don’t worry, don’t stew. Just go right along, you’ll start happening too!” (Dr. Seuss)

By Jane Cassady:

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Don’t be afraid of the sunlight—plan little outings each day to acclimate yourself. Let the sparkle on the lake and snow get you bright and ready for spring.

Aries (March 21-April 18): Meditate on the first Cadbury egg of the season. Think about the way the chocolate melts into the fondant, the way the faux egg yolk represents all that is good and new. The orange flavored ones are pretty good too. Come to think of it, the stars kind of wish they came in raspberry.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Keep making good thorough lists of everything you want. Add more little items every day. Include every schedule and nuance. Choose the first three things and then go get them. 

Gemini (May 19-June 21): In a recent cutthroat family game of Apples to Apples, my niece decided that trees are more enormous than Mexico. That’s more reasonable than it seemed at the time. Anyway, the blessings you’ll get this week are as enormous and trees AND Mexico.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Last week on This American Life we learned that many wives, upon hearing the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome, become convinced that their husbands have it. Social cues are confusing to everyone, read a lot about spectrums and etiquette.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Catch up on some introspection you’ve been meaning to get to. Examine and count all of your inner complications. Play solitaire, Tetris, or write some poetry. There’s a lot trying to come out. Google and listen to All The Good that Won’t Come Out  by Rilo Kiley.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  Sometimes you have to be lost in the woods. When this happens, please make sure you are more Bettie Page than Laura Palmer. Naked in the wilderness, yes, but in a happy way. 

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): My Libra brother-in-law practices parkour. I believe he goes to a class at the Y. I’m not telling you to jump all over stuff, unless you want to. Just take the longest distance between two points whenever you can.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): During the course of the nicest breakup ever, a pal of mine gave me back my pajamas with a thank you note, a lenticular Valentine of a parrot that says “You Raaawk!” Be as generous as he is, and count your successes accordingly.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Stop and take a little inventory of the changes you’ve made so far this year. For every little step forward, give yourself a sticker or a ribbon, then wear them all on your shirt all the way ‘til the end of the day, like a kid would.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): All self-help activities should be approached the way that the stars like to do yoga: half-assed. Pick something they say is good for you—deep breathing or vegetables or staring deeply into people’s eyes, and just indulge a little. No need to go nuts about it.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): A few weeks ago I set a couple of my friends up and it seems to be going well. Commit a similar act of creativity and conservation and enjoy the results, even if they’re not about you.