Congratulations to Michael Klein (The Talking Day), Megan Volpert (This assignment is so gay), and Bushra Rehman (Corona) for being named finalists for Lambda Literary Awards. CLICK HERE for your copies and celebrate with us – only ten bucks each, free US shipping.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): “All I ever knew is like a little mouse living in a tiny hole in a palace I have become.” (Hafiz) While you’re busy being expansive, take time to celebrate the way you used to be, which was also amazing. Bake a birthday cake for your former self, with big blue icing flowers.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): You never really know how much you’re loved, how precious you are to the people in your life. Look for signs of it—the special groceries, the firefly walks, the silly love-music that gets stuck in your head.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad.” (Carly Rae Jepsen) You have always contained at least as much longing as a song-of-the-summer, probably more. But today, take stock of all the many people you have wished for who subsequently arrived. The other missing magic puzzle pieces are on their way—just open your arms and let them come to you.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): “I feel so grateful for every challenge I’ve encountered, as it’s now clear that they were all stepping stones leading to the present moment, which is so full of joy and beauty that I feel I could do ANYTHING with the rest of my life & feel satisfied that my time on this planet was worthwhile. Dear G-d, I sincerely hope that, at some point, each and every person I know experiences the happiness that I am experiencing right now.” (Sam Richman, after gender-affirming surgery.) Be like Sam.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): The stars miss you every time we see junky special effects in old movies; it’s such a comforting thing to see. Hope all of your quests are being fulfilled, and your life is warm and full of sun.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): To the Sagittarius who says she wishes she could just like one or the other, men or women. Erroneous binary aside, there’s so little space in this world for us, few heroes or role models. We have to make up our own way to do this. Don’t accept the arbitrary limitations that are placed on us by those with limited imaginations.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I recently started rewatching Angel. I don’t think that I even knew before that my favorite vampire-with-soul started his detective agency in order to connect more deeply to humans and be therefore less likely to want to eat them. It isn’t quite so dire for you, but do find some new ways to genuinely reach out.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): To the Aquarius planning a ladies’ weekend—may there be feather boas and dancing on banquettes, delirious running-into-the-surf, maybe a Gilmore Girls marathon. Have all the fun in the world and find your inner Lorelais.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces who listened to me when I was lost—I’m still lost, but thank you for taking care of me, hearing my side of things, wanting my real happiness. You’re a good ear and a magic friendship, and your life will be full of glittery adventure.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Buy two sheets of stickers, one unicorns, one rainbows. Give them to yourself whenever you take a heart-risk, whenever you live in the delightful prism-y spectrums of life, whenever you move this way or that along the Kinsey scale. It’s important to reward yourself for being so brave.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): I heard Die Antword’s “Baby’s On Fire” and had trouble not emailing it to you. Whatever’s not working for you, it’s time to burn it or dance it off. Stop struggling, unless you like that sort of thing. Not everything needs to be changed. Lay back and float on the surface of life like you do sometimes at the swimming poll. Look at the clouds.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Apparently I like ripping the Band-Aid off slowly and repeatedly.” (My brother, Ed Wiedmann) Yep, it’s hard to let things go, especially people, who tend to have a lot of adhesive. But it’s okay, keep trying.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Think of how many letters you can send: Strongly worded letters of complaint, love letters, thank you notes that go into lots of detail, letters of apology and amends. Pick five and write them out on paper. Remember stamps?
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): To the Leo who is apartment hunting—you will have ample closets, a big, clean kitchen, built-in bookshelves, hardwood floors, and a big windows. You’ll live in a quiet neighborhood with lots of trees. You’ll have everything including cheap rent, I promise.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): See Leo. Also, the tests you’ve been preparing for will be a piece of cake. Spend time in coffee shops going over practice tests. Alternate learning with good, long bouts of swimming. Fill up your brain and treat yourself kindly. You can do this.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Today, all of your wishes are coming true, and you are groggily joyful. Sleep as many hours as you want, you’ve earned it. Spend lots of time with paints and books and movies. The stars recommend rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer from a bondage perspective, but that could just be the stars.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “Who laughs the most, knows the most, if that laughter is sincere.” (Hafiz) This week, focus even more than usual on the funny. Take Calvin and Hobbes collections to the beach with you. Meditate on the wise teachings of Demetri Martin, who is just as adorable in person. Go only to movie theatres that let you heckle the screen.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Look at the summer schedule and map out your visits. Be sure to spend the most time with the people who make you the most delighted, and the least on obligation.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Soon, I’m coming to visit you! We’ll write jillions of stanzas in our notebooks, putting stickers on the best parts. We’ll eat pie and snuggle children. I really can’t wait.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): This week, stand up for yourself, even if it is painful, even if it leads to some loss. Look at the people, the rumors, the dramas that hold you back and give them the what-for. Yes, we know, the stars should do this, too. Don’t let anyone take anything away from you. You are worth all the happiness and freedom in the world.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces in a long distance relationship: May her visits be long. May her texts be chock full of effusiveness and affection and glitter. May you have the place in her life that you’ve always wanted. A happy home. Open arms. Providence.
Aries (March 21-April 18): This week in your life as a video game, you are Mario Kart. If you feel like you’re careening, bouncing over mushrooms, skidding past barky chain-link dogs, occasionally being pulled from the drink by a helpful cloud guy with a fishing pole, don’t worry, things will calm down a bit next week. Next week’ll be Tetris.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): I’ve got writer’s block for Taurus, so please send your requests. Thanks!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Take a trip to your local produce market, a farmers’ market if you have one nearby. Fruit has always symbolized well-being to the stars, and this week will be like strawberry-blueberry shortcake for you, Gemini!
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Dear birthday friend—this year, please believe all the nice things that your friends say about you, on your wall, in back-of-the-book blurbs, in vivid dreams. And while you’re at it, let accidental slights and mishaps float away like bubbles.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): I just Googled “collective nouns for hummingbirds.” Not only would that make a good name for something, but it also yielded the following results: charm, chattering, drum, troubling. (Who comes up with “a troubling of hummingbirds”? Clearly someone very disturbed.) Anyway, hummingbirds are like your quick, sweet luck and you’ll see a lot of them this summer.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “Send me an angel, right now.” (Real Life) Your angels are your friends, invest everything in them. Everything shared at diner tables, sewing circles, and workshops will add up to everything you’ve ever looked for.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): See Virgo. You’ll have not just one angel, but dozens, everyone whose heart you’ve ever fluttered just a little bit is standing next to you as you reach this next important fruition.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22):Every time you ask nicely for something you want, you get a gold star, even when the answer is “no.” It’s time to start pushing past the boundaries of what you think you deserve. Your mantra is “more, more, more.”
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): You are your own foundation, the basis from which everything you create grows. This week, spend some time on structural integrity: Fix leaks, strengthen walls, make sure you have good ventilation and are not subject to flooding.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): A friend of mine recently hosted a summit of nearly every smart woman she knows—it must have been one heck of a sleepover. Create this for yourself, on whatever scale you can, even if it’s just inviting the sharpest lady you know over for coffee. Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19) The stars have forgotten to send heart updates lately, but we wonder how you are doing—are you still twitterpated? Have your found new love and let go of the old? Is your family burgeoning, thriving, hurting? Be sure to let us know.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Take a long walk past pretty fences and flowers, preferably when the lightning bugs are out. Make a good detailed wish on each firefly, each hydrangea petal. Then sit down with some nice friends and talk about books. Bonus points if there’s wine.
Aries (March 21-April 18): In Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, our hero gets shiny coins whenever enemies are defeated. This week will be like that, but with less actual combat. Every item crossed off on your to do list, no matter how small or large, will give you what you need to level up, sparkly and solid.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Someone somewhere is writing a lot of paragraphs about you—you never know how deep of an impression you’ve made, how you’ve changed someone’s trajectory. I’m sure if they could, they’d send you the paragraphs, but for now, you can only imagine.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I can love whoever I want.” (Charlie’s brother in Adaptation) This week the stars are having a Charlie Kaufman movie marathon, and we suggest you do the same—get lost in the layers of it, the hot existential love scenes, the ponderousness of everything. When you watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, be glad of everyone you haven’t erased.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Find yourself some grown-up coloring pages and go to town on them. Do this in front of the TV if you want. Embellish your pages with stickers and stamp-pads and hang them up someplace where you need to be reminded to trust your creativity.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): My wife recently wrote a Zombie Apocalypse Horoscope and may well be a guest horoscopist come Halloween time. I don’t know much about zombies, but I know you should never box yourself in a basement, and don’t board up the windows. What’s coming for you is coming for you, turn and face it.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Even if today none of the libraries were open, and you ran into your old nemesis, and you ate a shameful amount of cookies, no matter. Tomorrow you’ll get a good playlist in your inbox, you’ll go on a firefly walk with your love, you’ll watch a dumb movie. Life is always mostly awesome.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): The stars never grew out of drawing hearts in the corners of notebook pages, and neither should you. You can even indulge in the creepy-cute eighth-grade-girl thing of writing your crush’s name over and over. Go ahead, be ridiculous and smitten.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Every day this week, find a poem—it could be anywhere, like magic. Collect them and build something nice.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): It’s almost time to go to summer camp, and you are a counselor. Remember your sunscreen and water jug. Remember, children can be a bit chaotic, so leave some of your Order-Muppet side at home; more Animal, less Kermit.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Yours is a religion of board games—read your future in Scrabble tiles, nothing as confusing as Upwords. I can’t master the strategy of chess (or even, some days, Bejeweled) but you can—you know where you’ll be three moves from now, so relax.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Whatever imprisons you, accept it for a bit. Then watch I Love You, Phillip Morris, watch the clouds scoot by, and plan your escape or even your series of escapes. Whatever you do, don’t think about Camus’ The Stranger. Actually, that’s good advice for every week.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Ignore any and all nay-sayers at the table—you can follow any goals you’ve set out for yourself. The breath and health and love you want are within reach, just take a good walk to them. Then rest in your cool and wonderful cave. Repeat.
Aries (March 21-April 18): You are as adorable and strange as a little kids’ summer camp production of Wicked, only everyone hits the high notes and no one misses their lines. You are the mini-Elphaba to my Glinda heart, and vice versa.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “I don’t know when to start or when to stop
My luck’s like a button/ I can’t stop pushing it/ My head feels light
But I’m still in the dark/ Seems like without tenderness there’s something missing.” (General Public)
Gemini (May 19-June 21): To the Gemini who finally found her McDreamy (Several years after Grey’s Anatomy became irrelevant, but still.) –it’s okay to agonize over what to say in your emails, miss him like crazy until he gets back to town, go ahead and believe in things a little bit!
Happy birthday to my mom, brother, and sister, who were all born on the same day! And! Happy 9-year anniversary to the wonderful Leo who inspires me the most, Amy Lawson. Our family’s full of celebration!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “You are encouraged to change your mind,” maybe even sort through all of the things you’ve said “no” to and try a “yes” here and there. Overturn all of your old thought structures like tilling the soil.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): “Tears and laughter are both welcome,” so feel free to emote up a storm this week. Recreational crying is underrated and forced laughter is overused. Be authentic above all else.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): “If you’re a YES, say YES. If you’re a NO, say NO.” If you’re a “give me a little quiet when I get home from work” or a “make out with me emphatically and at length,” then say those things too.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “You must ask permission and get a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific with your request as you can.)” Make a list of VERY specific bodily requests and check them off as you ask for them. Whether you get a YES or a NO, you get a big, fat gold star just for asking.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): “Pajamas stay on the whole time.” The day, the weekend, the week, as long as you possibly can, stay in bed with your loves, your pets, your books. Don’t get up until you are absolutely, unequivocally rested.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a cuddle party, EVER,” or anyplace else for that matter, whether you run to the world with open arms or cordon yourself off with caution tape, make sure it is your happy choice.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): “Keep the cuddle space tidy.” Take some time to clear out your physical and emotional clutter—yammer it out to a sweetheart or get it all down on the page—you’ll feel better and so much clearer.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): “Respect people’s privacy.” Take a break from sharing and tagging and “liking” and sit face to face with a stranger, even if you have to come up with a clever nickname for them when you write about it later.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): “WHAT TO WEAR: pajamas.” Pajamas are practically a religion in my household. Make altars to your soft pants, sing hosannas to the ribbon drawstrings, kneel down and thank your fuzzy slippers.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “If you’re a maybe, say NO.” This week, find at least a little bit of time to do EXACTLY what you want, without any compromising. It’s difficult, but it can be done.
Aries (March 21-April 18): “Respect your relationship agreements and communicate with your partner.” That includes frequently telling your partner(s) how adorable he/she/they are. And you are adorable too!
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “Get your Cuddle Party Facilitator or the Cuddle Assistant if you have a question or concern or need assistance.” Asking for help can be tricky, but give it a whirl. What worries can you delegate, what weights could you live without?
Gemini (May 19-June 21): It’s time to plan birthday parties, complete with elaborate fireworks and superhero-themed cake. Make a list of all of your presents, tangible and not. Send real paper thank-yous for all.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Listen to the music of everything your loved ones say. Compose it into melodies and hum along wholeheartedly, as if you’re out on the open road, out on the world’s best road trip.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Take your summer bonus money and buy a vacation, even if it’s a little one-get time to gaze into your sweetie’s eyes, write gratuitously in glitter-emblazoned notebooks, or catch up on your Firefly episodes.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Do what you need to do and don’t worry about who presses “like.” Okay, worry a little, that’s okay, but for the most part, give yourself to real and present things, like dancing, or walking, or cuddle parties. If you DO try a cuddle party, I promise you this: you will be closer to your inner Reid Mihalko by the end.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra who recently enjoyed a good first date: So much can be accomplished while only sort of watching a movie. So what if you don’t remember the plot of Marie Antoinette and I’ve only seen glimpses and heard synth-mantras of Liquid Sky—say “Let them eat cake!” to you inhibitions and look forward to what comes next.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who keeps having a little tree stolen out of the pot on the front stoop: don’t give up. Keep planting. Yes, over and over. I think maybe that’s what some of life is.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): The stars wonder how you have been doing lately—how are your poems? Are you still writing them every day? Are you still a Tasmanian Devil flurry of paragraphs? Do you still note and collect motivational quotes? If so, please send the stars some. We can always use more.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Throw yourself a party like the ones they used to have in grade school, before sugar was outlawed. Find a cute someone to help pour the punch. Deal out cookies of celebration onto plates. Have the loudest and most cheerful game of Apples to Apples you’ve ever known.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Go past what you see at first glimpse this week. Tell your assumptions to take a vacation and get as in-depth as you can.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “Strive for what you deserve. Don’t go for second best, baby!” (My pal Joseph Prisco, sensibly quoting Madonna) Write out and follow all the best advice you give and get. Make whatever changes you need to. Also: put your love to the test.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Well, Sally Draper is a woman now. You’re ready for rites of passage as well—go ahead, go forward, someone will be there to help you settle in.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Yesterday at my afterschool program job, we had the most amazing talent show ever. This week’ll be like that for you—imagine children singing acapella versions of uplifting radio hits, making spontaneous collaborative art, playing the piano, and reading poetry. It gets really raucous toward the end. Don’t be afraid to clap along!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Even more than usual, listen to song lyric for messages. Shuffle, the radio, the dreamy music over the credits, they’ve got something important to tell you.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): To the Cancer who just got into an MFA program: CONGRATULATIONS! You are worth every writing minute. fill your notebook with answers and forms and formulae. You’ll be even more yourself.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): to the Leo who’s moving when the lease is up: Your new place may or may not have a garden, its own washer-dryer, or a tall-person’s shower, but I promise you this: quiet, a fresh start, more windows that open. You and your love and your cats will be happy and safe.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): You’ve been taking a break and now you’re frustrated, but I promise you—time to heal and read novels, to finish your homework, to take up half-assed yoga again, all the time you are taking for yourself will pay off in snuggly, sweaty, musky dividends, sooner than you think.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Buy yourself a T-shirt that says “I want to cuddle you so hard.” Wear it someplace where snuggles are likely, which, for someone like you, is everywhere.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Be naked wherever you can, even if you’re just doing the dishes or sitting around watching TV. Feel everything against your beautiful skin, the sun on your shoulders, the breeze on your knees.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): When my book was accepted last fall, I was warned many times about how difficult the editing process would be, what a nightmare. Actually, it was an ease and a pleasure—sometimes things actually work out to be easier than you thought. Things match up sometimes, notice miracles like that.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): The other day at my after school program job, when I launched into one of my many rousing speeches, a favorite student made me a sign that said “Teachable moment!!!” This week, put your two cents on whenever you see fit, maybe even a little more often than usual.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Think of all the things you loved but stopped doing, and pick a few of them up again. Let me know what you find—discarded games, old rituals, new geysers of inspiration.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces celebrating a book release this week: The stars are there with you, of course, blazing with pride, cheering you on. May the night be every sweet thing you ever wished for, your book’s spine strong, your loving friends elated.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Last week on Mad Men, Peggy Olson realized her worth. She took a raise and moved on to an agency where she could shine. Give notice to something that’s already expired and get what you deserve.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): No matter what you do, some connections stay with you, invisible ribbons looping their way across the city or across the world. Love them until they fade or never do. Learn what you can from them.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): After having four kids, my sister had her tubes tied. She always said she wouldn’t be surprised if her operation was one of the .5 percent that didn’t work. Turns out, she was still pretty surprised (but overjoyed). Get ready for blessing as lavish and shocking as hers.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): On last week’s Girls, Hannah took a trip home and caught a glimpse of what life in her hometown would’ve been like if she’d stayed. For one thing, guys there don’t talk dirty enough. Take a moment to appreciate the many and varied benefits of how far you’ve traveled.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Whatever new hobby you’re working on, you’re about to be moved up from the beginner class to the intermediate level. Give yourself a hug, a gold star, a butterscotch sundae and a backrub. You deserve every reward.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): You keep dreaming of people you’ve lost, reuniting, taking their hands, visiting for Christmas. Whatever is missing is drifting towards you like a misty ex in a dream. Take his hand and go forward.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): (Kind of a meta-scope) Looking at the horoscopes from last year is kind of melancholy—I was in love with a Libra who’s long gone. I’m glad that at least there’s art to preserve temporary love, make it a little bit permanent.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): My therapist says it is possible to learn not to cry for hours about the everyday insensitivities that are part of life. If I learn this, I will have all kinds of extra time. I think I will use it for snuggling.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Break up with “Whatever You Like” by T.I. and start going out with “So Good” by B.O.B. Always choose the song in when the Shorty gets more choices.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): In the classroom I am observing, students are trying to show that they are “ready for second grade.” If they prove they are, they get a badge to wear around all day. You’ve earned your “Ready for whatever comes next” badge. Wear it proudly.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Sometimes you have to hunker down and be a grown up. Other times (like this week) you should do the opposite. Throw a tantrum, play hooky, stay home and read a novel under the covers. You’ve earned it by being so good the rest of the time.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces turning her guest room into a studio: good for you. I’ll gladly take the air mattress so that you can have space to make bird-print pillows, write poems, or stare dreamily out the window. Can’t wait to see what you’ll come up with.
Aries (March 21-April 18): My favorite episodes of Mad Med are the ones where Don hangs out with women as friends. Put on your old-timey hat and go get drunk with a gorgeous Joan-esque buddy. But unlike don, take a cab home.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): I had a dream about you. We were visiting you for Christmas. I took your hand and introduced you to every single person in my whole family. You were waiting by the computer to hear back about a very special opportunity. Good luck!
By Jane Cassady (If you love Poetic License Horoscopes, you’ll REALLY love For the Comfort of Automated Phrases, Jane’s debut collection of poetry. It’s coming in July. Pre-order it starting June 1!):
Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s someplace you can go where everybody’s pretty and special and fun, go to there. You’ll fit right in and find exactly what you need!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Last weekend, we spent a fair number of hours playing Wii Jeopardy with my family, and here’s what I think: It’s much more enjoyable on the easy setting. Alex Trebek is less fun without the mustache. My Mii is due for a makeover. The answers are less like questions every day. (Confidential to K.C:YAAAAAAAY!)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Next time it rains, play hooky and catch up on your pleasure reading. Take one or several naps—you need to catch up on your dreaming to defragment your subconscious and start anew.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): “Take my love, take my land/ Take me where I cannot stand/ I don’t care, I’m still free/ You can’t take the sky from me.” (Firefly theme song) It’s a good time for a rewatch, isn’t it, dear?
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Give gifts to your inner teenager. Write her letters to tell her she is worthy and pretty. Indulge in the power-ballads of the Nineties. To paraphrase Motley Crue, you’re on your way, you’re on your wa-aa-ay, home sweet home.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): I like when I ask for request and people write entire predictions for me! Guest Libra Sam Richman says: “Your primal urges are pulling you into the forest and onto the dance floor. Keep listening to your body – there is ancient, inherited wisdom in it. Libras are all about heart, and the heart is often associated with sweetness & sensitivity, but it is also a muscular organ, and yours grows stronger every day.”
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It’s okay to crowd-source inspiration of you’re all out—ask your friends, both virtual and IRL, to send you love songs, attention, strength. They are sure to send exactly what you need.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): The answer to “Should I just go to sleep?” is usually “yes.” Go head, go to bed at 7:30 if you want to, you’ll wake up feeling like it’s a holiday.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Try someplace new. Take your book and a notebook. Write something or nothing. Read the bulletin board or stare into space. Strike up a conversation with a stranger and find out all of his or her adventures.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Your keyword for the week is “open.” Open your heart. Open the window and smell the rain. Open a book and don’t close it again til morning. Open your plans up for something new.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “We are not what they think we are, we are golden, we are golden.” (MIKA) This week, MIKA is your spirit animal—be more like him, a silly, happy, lollipop dream.
Aries (March 21-April 18): “At some point one’s prayers will become/ so powerful that they ca shake a full tree/ in an orchard in heaven and fruit will roll/ through the streets in this world.” (Hafiz)
Taurus (April 19-May 18): It’s okay to keep consoling yourself for what you’ve lost. It still aches, that’s okay, because it’s important. You are going to get exponential goodwill in return, runaway growth.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Rewrite your past so that you have everything you’ve ever needed, so that you were always treated like a precious jewel every minute, no one ever let you be unsafe. I think you’ll find yourself missing what you’ve learned from all the crimps and deficiencies—these are their own weird luxury.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): “I wanna thank you, for letting me, be myself again.” (Sly and the Family Stone) the encouragement you give out will have such a huge effect, you may never know. Write letters to buoy up your friends’ spirit–it will always work.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): My wife watches Sherlock, so I asked her what we could learn from Benedict Cumberbatch. She said “Everything you need to know is almost right in front of you.” Okay—open your eyes to the clues.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): On last week’s Mad Men, Megan left the agency to follow her dream of being an actress; It’s the same for you, except you don’t have to quit anything. Just follow the path you’re on now, glide along your trajectory—it’s that easy.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): If you take a nice walk with a friend and see a bird you’ve never seen before, (say, for instance, a hermit thrush) take that as a sign that there are so many new, pretty little things ready to hop into your life, to show you their plumage. It’s okay to let them.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Make time for yourself, and make it special. Take yourself on dates to the fanciest restaurants, the grandest museums. Buy yourself flowers and chocolate pianos. Make yourself a mixtape as only you know how. Be the great love of your life, and you are sure to get lucky.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Should you find yourself laughing or in tears or ecstatic at an inopportune moment, settle into it. Go ahead and be inappropriate—sometimes emotion trumps everything.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I’ve been married almost nine years and I recently found out that my wife has a talent for rope bondage. Life is magical like that—everyone’s full of riches and secrets and mischief. Enjoy.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Don’t get Pretty Friend Syndrome. It isn’t always your friend’s job to be the belle of the ball—sometimes it’s you. Take your newfound confidence and use it to make genuine connections, to make a new life for yourself.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Be like Leslie Knope going after her doofus opponent in the city council debate. Let your passions speak for you, there is absolutely no reason to hold them back.
Aries (March 21-April 18): To the Aries in a long-distance love affair—it’s worth it, isn’t it? How much love can be contained in a text? What kind of hot strange sex can you have over Skype? Right now you are both buzzing with potential, let it be so much.
By Jane Cassady:
Taurus (April 19-May 18): To the Taurus waking up in a transformed body: good morning and congratulations. I’ve always said you are a genius at creating yourself, this is just more evidence. So much love, so many wishes, and millions of gentle hugs.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): To my brother, who wants to try rock climbing and maybe skydiving someday: I can’t wait to not do that, but if you do, listen closely to the safety lectures. Get hold of the right kinds of carabiners. Hold on tight and do not break yourself.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): A few weeks ago at the Momentum conference, I went to a talk called “Spread Your Legs and Open Your Heart.” The leader prescribed drawing a hot bath for nine nights in a row and running a leaf or stone over your whole body. At first I balked at the first-world-adviceness of all those baths, but go ahead and try it.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): No matter how long you’ve known someone, they always still have more secret skills and new surprises. Let someone expand for you, you’ll be gratified for what you get.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Take whatever chance you can to shout down old bulies, old heartbreaks, or both. Write as many strongly worded letters as it takes. Just when you think you might dissolve from anger, your heart will give in and open up.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Whenever you’re around, people are smiling. You don’t have to try to be pleasing or work very hard at all, just stand there next to them. And sometimes, let them give something back.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “It’s good if something gnaws at your innards until you come to terms with your real potential.” (Hafiz) It also helps if you gnaw back.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): In last week’s Mad Men episode, Don tried to make Sally stay innocent by making her take off her makeup and go-go boots, but she learned a whole bunch about the world anyway. Don’t try to protect yourself so much, it’s okay.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): The world is kind of a harsh place sometimes, it’s okay to fight it. Put on blankets, a blindfold, earplugs, and build yourself someplace safe. Cocoon there until you feel better.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Make a list of all of your wishes again. I know I make you do this all the time, but it’s important. Each time you make your list, the wishes are clearer and brighter, and so are you!
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Should you find yourself in the Duchamp room at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, take a little time to think about the body as a creativity machine that runs on sex, or something like that.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Every so often I have to say, I miss you and I wish you’d call. We were novices together and now we are a little less so. I still need you to send me merit badges for progress, still need to cheer on your every step.
By Jane Cassady:
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely places—people you may have underestimated, recurring fortune cookie slips, episodes of sitcoms. Go ahead and let it all help you, it’s okay.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): When you are Sally Draper, you’ll accept advice from just about anyone, even your creepy pill-popping step-grandmother. Lucky for you, you are not Sally Draper. Feel free to rely only on reliable voices.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): “I don’t know why/ there is an ocean/ in my chest or how/ I am supposed to/ carry it/ without spilling it out/ all over the place.” (Daniel McGinn) Dear friend, I think there’s some advice here about tides.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): When you are owed an apology, learn not to comfort the apologizer. Likewise, learn to accept (not argue with) compliments. There’s nothing you need to do to improve yourself right now. No steps need to be taken.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “So take what you can from your experiences of heartbreak, yes. But be careful not to take too much, or you’ll wind up letting it define you. Don’t create new generalized fears that make it hard to hear your intuition—and hard to find the love you want and deserve.” (Jaclyn Friedman, What You Really, Really Want)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): You are so kind that you’ll comfort a friend even when your troubles are much deeper. You’re a generous angel like that, thanks!
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It’s time to think about clothing optional beaches! Even if you’re not as much of an exhibitionist as the stars are, think of other sunny ways to safely bare yourself. And don’t forget the sunscreen!
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Find someone you love and turn off the television with him or her. Don’t worry, the stars still looooove the television, we just think maybe you should see what else you might use that couch for.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Yesterday I was watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother wherein Ted saves a man’s life by being an “I love you” slut. He says it to a man who’d been about to commit suicide, and it turns the guy’s life around. You may not achieve such dramatic results, but be an “I love you” slut anyway.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Everyone you touch has a million layers. You’ve long since given up the idea that a human being can be a simple distraction, a vacation from your own life. Settle into the layers and make a mess.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Find someone to be a beginner with, it’s such a comfort. Get yourself some good awkward, some nice fumbling, and settle into it like blankets.
Aries (March 21-April 18): The Zone of Proximal Development is an educational concept that means the space between something being too easy to be challenging and being too frustrating to learn. Find your own Zone of Proximal Development. Go ahead, open your eyes and soak up knowledge.
By Jane Cassady:
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Stop. Take note of everything you’ve learned so far. Take a deep breath and a few days to let it all sink in. You’ve come so far.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Be vulnerable and ask for your desires. There are only two ways it can go…and never asking ensures only one.” (Aiden Fyre) Sometimes, though, you don’t know what to ask for until it feels too late. That’s okay, you’ll know what to ask for next time!
Cancer (June 22-July 23): May your National Poetry Month continue to be prolific—mine your inner wishes, your big leaky mansion of a heart, your pesky childhood. Use everything that isn’t nailed down, then pry up that stuff too.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): As much as you might like to avoid logical fallacies, sometimes they are too tempting. Likewise for hyperbole and over-generalizations. Just let ‘em go this week. Indulge.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “My heart is a worthy vessel. It carries riches from my living adventures. It carries room enough for other riches to be gathered.” (Julia Cameron) You may be tempted to curl up into a ball, wrap yourself in a blanket, and hide, but there are so many more treasures to be had. Go get them.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): I’m still sending you visions of rest: pillow mountains floating with dreamy feathers. Soundproof rooms made of flannel and chocolate. Meadows of sugar butterflies, a sweet and hopeful peace.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): You are such a good sport, keep it up. Your loyalty, open-mindedness, and flexibility will keep paying off in unexpected ways.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Make the world a safe place. You can do this by consistently honoring your boundaries, treating people kindly but not at your own expense, and finding out just exactly what it is you want.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): There’s such a thing as too many vitamins. This week, minimize the number of ways in which you try to be virtuous for its own sake—that’s a total waste of energy.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): To the Aquarius who ended up being my crash course: Thank you. It’s unfortunate that painful lessons often come by way of people I adore. Thank you for making that sacrifice. You are more than kind. (Confidential to H and H: a job, a home, and every other wish are on the way. Just keep trying. XO, The Stars)
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Believe all of the best stories about yourself. Take the best possible interpretation of any given comment. That’s probably what they really meant!
Aries (March 21-April 18): You have so much to look forward to: lilacs, wisteria, long walks in the spring woods. You’re like the smell of the air when the leaves come in.
By Jane Cassady:
Aries (March 21-April 18): Happy Birthday to my dad, the standup comedian. In one of his jokes, he points out that no matter how much you mess up in traffic, you just do a little apologetic wave. He feels that you should be able to use the little wave in other parts of life as well. This week, wave off all of your mistakes and drive on.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “This is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you, and from above you how I sank into your soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go.” (Neutral Milk Hotel) Let someone get to know you THAT well, even if it’s messy.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Keep plugging away. / Keep on truckin’. / Keep the faith in a tiny glass jar and only unscrew the lid when you’re feeling doll-sized. You can do this/ it/ anything.” (Rob Sturma)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Whatever you’ve lost, it’s okay. Let it go. Soon enough, you’ll be collecting love like a wildflower bouquet. So many different kinds of wild love.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): On Easter, my wife and I had every intention of going on a nature walk. But when we got to the park, the sun was so appealing and we felt so relaxed that we took a nature nap instead, right there by the birdfeeders. Do the same for yourself, soak up the sun.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “All images are shadows you did cast. They will/ gladly surrender their identity and reveal their/ potential the way a piece of paper would if it ever/ made love to a flame.” (Hafiz) I have to promise you again that the closeness and fire you’ve been looking for are coming.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra whose life seems very complicated right now—I hope you can find time to sit with yourself and breathe and paint. The bright colors at the center of you are always there, even when life is just swirling around you.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who has a first date tonight: may she get your geeky references. May she love standing next to your warmth. May she have an open mind and a semi-extroverted heart, May she be all full of your happiness.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Strip all the stereotypes away and see things as they are, in all of their gunked-up glory. Don’t just see the pretty things you hope for, love the whole messy truth.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): It may seem sometimes like there isn’t a safe place for you in the world, but there is. Put in earplugs and wrap yourself up in a blanket. In the quiet, let all of your daydreams unspool.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): It’s time to rethink your barriers, whatever tides you try to stem, what griefs you are trying to escape from. It’s time to jump into the current and swim, even if you have to swim a little while with tears.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Sometimes the best way to feel good is to do your homework. Revel in note taking, in filling out forms, in planning your presentations. Your brain will feel giddy with appreciation and use.
By Jane Cassady:
Aries (March 21-April 18): Buyers of romance novels purchase an average of fifty books per year, and those are pretty much all the same story. You’re a better and more original romantic, with at least fifty new stories per day.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “People want to see their genitals on your face.” (Megan Andelloux, founder and director The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) And while you’re at it, look ‘em in the eye.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “If you were to draw me in a comic book, / I would have a collar around my neck/ and the leash attached would be held by my heart. / It’d be a cartoony heart, more like a valentine/ and less like a fist.” (Rob Sturma)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Give up trying to keep up your correspondence and tell everyone to come visit you. That way, you’ll have a new bombshell or bearded stranger for every day of the week. Leave room for the stars on your dance card!
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Let us now praise introverts, sit down and talk to them one-on-one, leave spaces for them to get their words in and/or, even better, give them the house to themselves.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “I had a legitimate excuse for not going to the/ mosque or temple to pray. / It was because love is so wild in me I might/ break the fragile glass cage that all/ religions are made of.” (Hafiz)
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): The Universe is looking out for you and yours, I promise. Look at the flowers on the trees. Look at your beautiful body. Listen to the sweet hum of your caretaking heart.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): The stars hope you can take a day off work soon, sleep in with someone nice (Maybe yourself. Maybe the cats. Maybe a busty redhead who’s feeling experimental.) and take full advantage of spring fever.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): This week, pretend you are Reid Mihalko, inventor of the cuddle party. Fill every room with warmth. Dispense hugs generously. But still, make space for yourself.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): On a panel about feminist porn, star and producer Tina Horn said “When people are given the freedom to do what they want, they do the nastiest shit I have ever seen.” Do whatever your empowered body tells you to, up to and including taking a nice nap.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Even if you are not in a position to light pretty flames in your hands and blow them out, you’ll find the warmth you need. When things are off-kilter, think of the comfortable distractions ready to run into your arms.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Mike Daisy may have fabricated parts of his story about Apple in China, but one thing is still for sure: nearly everything is made by hand. Think of that and feel connected.
By Jane Cassady:
Aries (March 21-April 18): Two hours of Mad Men might be too long—the stars are having trouble paying attention. Maybe next week will be better. Meanwhile, watch sitcoms and don’t think about snazzy advertising cads.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Take on a new assignment, and if none are offered, make one up. Any brand new project will do. Follow it wherever it wants you to go.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Team Peeta or Team Gale? Are you kidding me with this? Why in the world should she have to choose? Even in the dystopian future, is jealousy really still such a big deal? C’mon guys, get over it. Learn to share.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): A friend of mine is always having adventures that are just a little riskier than mine. I like my hijinx cozy and friendly, but hers are always a bit more of a leap. I think it’s okay to choose coziness, though. Either way, Cancer, make sure you’re adventurous this week.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): To my wife, who’ll be exploring Washington, DC while I am at Momentum Con this weekend—I hope you find some treasures that inspire you, whether it’s the original ruby slippers, your beloved Constitution, or even Julie Powell’s stick of butter on the old Julia Child set. Find your own history.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “What body would not want to surrender its tension to a skilled hand?” (Hafiz) There will be time for that, but for now, get back to yourself. Enjoy other fun. Remember how to steer yourself before you hand over the wheel again.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the Libra friend I alienated last April: I looked at the pictures recently. I don’t see any of the bitterness or mistakes, just sweetness. If there were any way to get back to that, I’d take it.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio second-guessing my Scrabble word choices: Well, I’ve deferred to your judgment before, and that worked out okay. What other help would you like to offer me?
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): The stars recently went to Eastern State Penitentiary on a first date, but it’s really more of a third date kind of place. You’ll be glad to know that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Meditate on enclosures, ruins, refurbishment, and The Panopticon this week. Find your regrets and lock them up.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): For the month of April, many of my poet friends will be writing and posting a poem a day. I’m not sure if I’ll join in, as I’m feeling prosaic these days, but let’s try to find a project as urgent and sublime.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): See Gemini. Also: continued blessings to Spring love.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To my Pisces pal with a hurt foot: I guess I’ll have to stop telling you about walks to go on. Here’s hoping you have good books, warm cats, and snuggly friends to help you recover. If I were nearby, I’d bring you some hugs.
By Jane Cassady:
Aries (March 21-April 18): It’s almost the Mad Men premiere! Celebrate with a Don-like tumbler of Scotch and a Sally-like tantrum. The stars are so at the edge of our seats for a Sally Draper spinoff that we named our cat after her.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “”There is nothing you have ever done that is/ not innocent and will in any way be judged as/ wrong by anyone of true wisdom, / but such knowledge you will not be able to/ accept until your and an angel’s ways are/ more similar. It just works like that.” (Hafiz)
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I’m not searching for cherry lipstick/sparkle valentine baby animal cuddle beams. / Just maybe a sneak preview of / the matinee of your palm. / Maybe a note passed back across the classroom/ scrawled back with HECK YES.” (Rob Sturma) (Pssst, you’ll get the cuddle beams too.)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): It may be too early in the year for this, but the stars like to picture you chopping up peppers and onions and other rustic foodstuffs to take on a family camping trip. It’s okay if you only want to do this metaphorically.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Whatever sacred space you need, take it. Rope yourself off like a VIP and order some bottle service like you’re Kanye. Don’t forget to open up those velvet ropes, though. Other special someones might want to come in for drinks.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): See: Gemini. Also, write your heart out. Whatever’s hurtiest, give it as many paragraphs as it needs, then shred it and let it go. There are sooooooo many good paragraphs on the way.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): If someone needs your care this week, drop everything and give it. You will be rewarded in closeness and light and cake, so give it your absolute best.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Please make a list of your best qualities: your pretty eyes, your excellent book collection, other things the stars would blush to mention. Repeat the list to yourself every morning and night until you believe it.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): To the Sagittarius who thought he was too big and tall to deserve love: this just blows my mind and makes me want to tear society down to the bones. Everybody is beautiful, dammit. Everyone’s divine!
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): To the Capricorn librarian awaiting a new child: your house is probably already full of books, but fill it some more. May your son’s little brother or sister grow uneventfully and auspiciously. May your family, all families, be warm and forever.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Whoever you have shown your flaws to and whoever has called them beautiful, that’s what tangles heartstrings together. Show yourself and be loved.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Your household is full of momentous occasions, and if it isn’t, make some! Toast the cats and a New Girl episode any given Tuesday. Celebrate the kitchen appliances’ valiant service. Make a holiday out of soup or towels or spiral notebooks—so much to celebrate!
By Jane Cassady:
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces who just received the first copies of her first full-length collection of poems: when you send out your review copies, may you get back a million Valentines worth of praise. You are generous and dear, and you deserve it.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Like the couple in the season finale of Portlandia, look for a little extra adventure, even if it comes in the form of pancakes. You will fall in love with yourself all over again.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Dear Taurus I can’t stop writing to—I miss you. I wish I’d have met you a few months later, I’d’ve know what to do with you. But then, if I wouldn’t have met you, I wouldn’t have known what to learn. If you knew where to find it, you could read a whole list of really specific thanks. Gonna try to make this the last note to you, I promise.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I’m carrying all of the love of an orchestra.” (Noah and the Whale) Whether you dream of writerly success or for a coop of urban chickens, consider yourself on the right path. Let all kinds of ridiculous love buoy you up and carry you forward.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Swear off whatever you’ve been meaning to swear off, and see if it helps. The stars recently gave up watching The Fashion Police because they are too mean to bodies, and the bodies in our house appreciate it.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Be as specific with your wishes as this Leo’s request: “I am desiring a place of my own, one bedroom in NYC or University City, love with a man who is dark, tall, and has locs, enjoys working in the community maybe for low pay but he is dedicated and really loves it. Desires children but has none, considers himself more spiritual than religious (of the Christian persuasion), is open minded, liberal, honest, trustworthy and values family. I also desire to lose 20 lbs (lol) and have a child before 34.”
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): ”Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” (Paul Varjak in Breakfast at Tiffany’s) Whatever scars you still wear, consider them gifts. Let them carry you forward out of heartbreak and into your next series of adventures. May your first dates be lightning-crack attraction or deep new friendships—dare I say, both!
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Please put Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up” on your MP3 player and listen to it often to remind you of what’s stirring inside you. It’s something primal and deep and howly. The stars are sending you every blessing and wish in your quest for it, and please let us know how it’s going.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): To the Scorpio who requested a repeat of last week’s horoscope: It’s hard not to just tell people their true love is coming over and over, every week! Isn’t that why fortune-telling was invented? But the truth is, all kinds of love is coming your way, bounding toward you like a heard of puppies. Open your arms for them.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): You are a box of gourmet chocolates (curse Forest Gump for ruining chocolate box metaphors for everyone) and a beloved series on DVD. Feel free to consume both in one sitting. Enjoy.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Welcome to Spring Training. I’m not really sure what baseball players do there, but I imagine it has something to do with fundamentals. Practice your fundamentals. Play catch, run the bases, do a few hours of batting practice, any way you want to.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): To my Aquarius friend who is twitterpated: keep making the very most of Spring. Take long daffodil-y walks, go on picnics with children, celebrate any art you want to. You’re doing great!!
By Jane Cassady:
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You have a knack for telling your friends exactly what they need to hear in order to evolve, bits of wisdom like prizes in a video game. Ask them to do the same, and collect their bright answers like coins.
Aries (March 21-April 18): To the Aries who is going for the Don Draper Merit Badge for Sleeping With One’s Boss—sure, I like to picture this happening in full Mad Men regalia, but you are sooooo much better than him—all the oomph, but light years more humane.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s anyone in your past who ever underestimated you and made you feel like you are less than your hot, gorgeous self, mentally compose this email (mentally!) (Heading: Dear Jackass) “Sometimes I think about you and all of the fun you are missing.” Then go out and have some more fun. Ha!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): The stars are currently reading The Hunger Games trilogy—we’re right in the middle of Catching Fire and so are you! You are rising up like the districts, livid against wasteful oppressions, and I’m pretty sure you are going to win.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Let jealousy be your guide. Whatever someone else has that hurts your heart, write it out in deep detail, figure out exactly what it is and find a way to get a version of it that is just your own, at least for the time being.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): More projects are on the way, ones that catch your fancy and fill you with momentum. Carry your camera, your notebooks, your sketchbooks everywhere. Blog, write, email, and voice-record your notes. You may not know what you are building, but you are building.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “This is my body, I fuck with it.” (Nicole Homer) This week, your job is to write love letters to your body, which does so much for you. Find it lots of treats and rewards, untoward or otherwise.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the stars’ number one dance partner in the world—thank your for every minute of simple joy we can sneak in, for the omnipresent house music in our hearts, for the adorable smiles that go so well with our goth outfits. Let’s put some dancing on the calendar.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Your true love is coming, and it looks like this: someone shy but with enough moxie to get you two together. Someone who appreciates your secret naughty side and the fact that you think the walk of shame should be renamed. Someone to add to your collection of naked pictures, mental or actual.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Practice following your instincts. Write down three questions and close your eyes. When you open them, you’ll know the answers.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I’m drawing a blank for you, Capricorn! You must know exactly what to do without me telling you?
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): ”When things start to happen, don’t worry, don’t stew. Just go right along, you’ll start happening too!” (Dr. Seuss)
By Jane Cassady:
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Don’t be afraid of the sunlight—plan little outings each day to acclimate yourself. Let the sparkle on the lake and snow get you bright and ready for spring.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Meditate on the first Cadbury egg of the season. Think about the way the chocolate melts into the fondant, the way the faux egg yolk represents all that is good and new. The orange flavored ones are pretty good too. Come to think of it, the stars kind of wish they came in raspberry.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Keep making good thorough lists of everything you want. Add more little items every day. Include every schedule and nuance. Choose the first three things and then go get them.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): In a recent cutthroat family game of Apples to Apples, my niece decided that trees are more enormous than Mexico. That’s more reasonable than it seemed at the time. Anyway, the blessings you’ll get this week are as enormous and trees AND Mexico.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Last week on This American Life we learned that many wives, upon hearing the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome, become convinced that their husbands have it. Social cues are confusing to everyone, read a lot about spectrums and etiquette.
Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Catch up on some introspection you’ve been meaning to get to. Examine and count all of your inner complications. Play solitaire, Tetris, or write some poetry. There’s a lot trying to come out. Google and listen to All The Good that Won’t Come Out by Rilo Kiley.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Sometimes you have to be lost in the woods. When this happens, please make sure you are more Bettie Page than Laura Palmer. Naked in the wilderness, yes, but in a happy way.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): My Libra brother-in-law practices parkour. I believe he goes to a class at the Y. I’m not telling you to jump all over stuff, unless you want to. Just take the longest distance between two points whenever you can.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): During the course of the nicest breakup ever, a pal of mine gave me back my pajamas with a thank you note, a lenticular Valentine of a parrot that says “You Raaawk!” Be as generous as he is, and count your successes accordingly.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Stop and take a little inventory of the changes you’ve made so far this year. For every little step forward, give yourself a sticker or a ribbon, then wear them all on your shirt all the way ‘til the end of the day, like a kid would.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): All self-help activities should be approached the way that the stars like to do yoga: half-assed. Pick something they say is good for you—deep breathing or vegetables or staring deeply into people’s eyes, and just indulge a little. No need to go nuts about it.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): A few weeks ago I set a couple of my friends up and it seems to be going well. Commit a similar act of creativity and conservation and enjoy the results, even if they’re not about you.