Poetic License Horoscopes for September 2 – 8

Another round of poetically-pleasant horoscopes from forthcoming SRP author,  Jane Cassady, guaranteed to make you smile like a happy kitten.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Put on your sparkly tiara, get a pretty dress, make cupcakes and a good playlist. It’s time to celebrate love, poetry, and adorableness in all its forms. Celebrate all of your heart’s rich confetti. 

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): You may come across some fallen trees on your coming walks, but no matter. Clamber over them like you do every other trouble, like you stayed safe and warm in the storm.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): “To make a prairie it takes/ a clover and one bee, / and revery. / The revery alone will do/ if bees are few.” (Emily Dickinson) This week, you can dream yourself any landscape and it is likely to come buzzing to life.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): “But it doesn’t matter, because it’s just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here’s what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.” (Bill Hicks)

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): You’ve always had crushes on anyone who can make you transcend, people who can teach you new languages or dress you up in new religions. Your heart is the best explorer, bon voyage.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Here at the eye of the hurricane, your heart is taking a rest from adventures and updates. Take this time to mend the drapes, to write some paragraphs or stanzas, to snuggle you husband, your sweetheart, yourself, or all three.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): A Pisces I know seems to spend a lot of time sitting in the backseat of a Delorean, which I’m told isn’t a time machine, but has all the lights. If it were a time machine, he could come and visit, but it might be a while ago, or the future, and that would get confusing.

Aries (March 21-April 18): “Play from the fucking HEAAAAAAART!” (Bill Hicks) Bill was talking about music, but this is a good rule of thumb for any endeavor. Whatever’s ahead of you, grab it and squeeze it.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it.” (Rihanna, S&M) The video for this song gives the stars space issues, but nevertheless, spend some time thinking about your inner Rihanna this week, even if it’s a little scary.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): To the Gemini I haven’t sent a new mix to yet: It’s just that you set the bar so very high. How can I top your combination of The Magnetic Fields, Andy Samberg, and Ke$ha? I think I might be waiting for some songs that haven’t come out yet…

Cancer (June 22-July 23): The stars can’t promise you all the fireflies today, but there are galaxies of them in your future, no matter where you land. If we’re wrong, we’ll lend you some of ours.

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23):  Lately, the volume on your senses has been turned up to a million. Find someplace that seems as safe as petals. Cut all the labels out of your clothes. Curl up in some magical duvet, and end up safe.

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