Poetic License Horoscopes for November 25 – December 1

By Jane Cassady:

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): I recently went to a performance at the Circus School near my house, and it inspired me to tell you this: meditate on hoops, and silks, and ropes, balance, foolproof costumes, and funny magic tricks. Also, as always, sequins.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): It’s the end of the semester and everything’s up in the air. Plow through your homework so that you can get on with the festivities, the toasts, the walks around downtown under the snowflake lights.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): “Lose your mind, lose it now, lose your clothes in the crowd. We’re delirious; tear it down, ‘til the sun comes around.” (Ke$ha, Take It Off) It’s time to listen less to your inner Hermione Granger and more to your inner Ke$ha. Put a dance night on the calendar with your cutest and silliest friends.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20):  Rewatch the movies of your early twenties. It’ll be like a reunion of everyone you’ve ever snuggled with. Involve piles of blankets and lots of tea.

Aries (March 21-April 18): Thanks once again for lending the stars your swagger. If we’re feeling shy, we always ask ourselves what you would do and end up blushing and happily indulged. We really can’t thank you enough.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): It’s time to send everyone lots of presents, even if they’re metaphorical, all tied up in pretty ribbons. The rewards will be many, and warm, and frosted. Probably with sprinkles.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Every year, my sister and I wake up early the day after Thanksgiving and start our Christmas shopping. It’s much more relaxing than people think it is. You can go to the store in your pajamas, get an eggnog latte, bring home the big, fat holiday Real Simple, then snooze/eat pie.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Count the things you are grateful for, yes, but also think of all the many people who are grateful to you. Nod them a “You’re welcome” or write them long, informative letters.

Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): “I’ll love you for my whole life through. I can’t stand to see you sad. I can’t bear to hear you cry. If you can’t tell me what you need, all I can do is wonder why.” (Marshall Crenshaw, Someday, Someway) Tell the universe every little thing you need, and it’ll do its best to get it to you.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  See: Aquarius.

Libra (Sept 24-Oct 21): Don’t forget that the stars take requests, dear, and I like this request to much, I’m going to quote it directly: “Just a reminder that I have to stop putting myself down and holding myself back. Also, that a positive and loving heart is a powerful thing.” Thanks for writing Libra, pal.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22):  This week, you are as reliable as The Beatles on shuffle—think of how few of those songs are actually unlistenable—only two or three. Pretty good probability.

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