By Jane Cassady:
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): You are a cookie-decorating contest. Awards will be given for “Jolliest,” “Best Wrapped,” and “Best Winter Wonderland Reenactment.” Decorate meticulously, get sticky and sugar-high, and win.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Yours is the biggest family I know. May your holiday be filled with friendly cooking, emphatic children, and dear, unlikely moments of privacy and peace.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “Don’t try to swim against the tide. You want to be there, and you’ve already done so much to get there… this is not where you are trying to land. Follow the stream. You will be great.” (Shanny Jean Maney)
Aries (March 21-April 18): You are a miracle and I love you. Who could ever say no to that face? Have fun talking pretty people into things that are complicated and fun. And remember, you are so much of the stars’ strength.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): To the Taurus librarian who made a request: yes, you are nearing escape velocity. This is where it all gets easier. Your children will have jobs and spouses that they/you love. Your table will be full of long-lasting light. (Confidential to a pal: you are my “Red Rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing that tells time built right into the stock.” Best present, thank you.)
Gemini (May 19-June 21): For the holidays, your family will be together. Children will ignore their toys to hug you. There will be exactly enough meatballs, and everyone will love their presents. Most importantly, though, you’ll be holding the right hand(s) and happy.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): To the Cancer who called me complaining that all of the Christmas decorations at home make him feel like he’s “living in a department store, and not a particularly expensive one.” The important thing is, like the Muppets, you and your beautiful wife are artists of both joy and melancholy. Thanks for giving them both their due. This voicemail is art in itself.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Like the girl who was frozen in a vault on that planet where fish swim in the clouds on Doctor Who, you will have a perfect Christmas day. Unlike her, though, your days are not quite so numbered. Find a million little ways for joy and peace, and take them all.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “I wouldn’t even know where Destiny’s balls are.” (Henry, (Adam Scott) on Party Down.) I am confident that you will figure it out.
Libra (Sept 24-Oct 21): Mindy Kaling says that one of the titles she considered for her book was Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched. You’re already pretty psyched, but feel free to smile a little wider, to anticipate just a little more joy, to shine your beautiful eyes with hope.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It gets dark early, yes, so you may be tempted towards unhelpful tangents about Frosty the Snowman as a metaphor for the finiteness of life. Instead, cuddle in, watch a movie or ten, and wait for the light to start coming back. It will!
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): “I do not know which to prefer, / The beauty of inflections / Or the beauty of innuendoes, / The blackbird whistling / Or just after.” (Wallace Stephens, Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird) Marvel at the in-betweens of things, and let the rest of it go.