Poetic License Horoscopes for January 20 – 27

By Jane Cassady:

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Last weekend, I found out that a friend of mine who seems quite mild-mannered has a great knack for tying people up. This week, make a point of discovering these hidden treasures, not just in others, but in yourself. 

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “It is always sad when the awesome people have their hearts compressed by heartbreak.  It takes time, which sucks, but hey, at least it’s something we have in abundance.  What if it took uranium to get over a heartbreak?” (Joseph Prisco) As time helps your griefs peel away, fill yourself up with as many beautiful experiences as you can. If you want, all of those experiences can be books.

Aries (March 21-April 18): When I was in the grocery store the other day, I saw the following tabloid headline: “Adele Finds Love.” All of your torch songs were well spent. What comes next is so much better. 

Taurus (April 19-May 18): Some things defy cost-benefit analysis. Some memories are worth a little trauma. Some trust is always a little bit misspent. Trust yourself, Taurus. You know which risks are best to take. 

Gemini (May 19-June 21): Your life is a snow day. Enjoy the (metaphorical, maybe) kids being home and the video games aplenty. Read nice young adult novels and/or indulge in dumb romantic comedies. Pour yourself a little hot chocolate, and rest.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): You know enough for now. Give the learning curve a rest and take a nap on a nice plateau. All of the striving and struggle with be there when you decide to open your eyes again. 

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): On last week’s Portlandia, a nice couple put a fire pit in their backyard, only to have to extinguish it because it conjured up rollicking S&M fantasies. This week, you can risk those fantasies, or just admit that you’d rather hold hands. 

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “But it is wonderful to think that if one day all of us humans, regardless of race or creed, could lay down our differences and create a human chain by circling the globe and holding hands, we would all come down with exactly the same cold.” (Steve Martin) Your ability to collect connections is beautiful and quite worth any incidental sniffles.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): You are walking around with quite the bag of tricks.Think of ways to make space for them, to arrange them artfully. Find fun places to stand and wait and holler. 

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Ask for everything in the world this week. Apply for stuff, send letters to influential strangers, make long distance phone calls (even if there isn’t really such a thing any more) while you paint. See what surprise connections emerge and make the most of them. 

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): In Diablo Cody’s movie Young Adult, Charlize Theron’s character goes on a fool’s errand to correct the past by seducing her high school boyfriend, who is now married. You know better than to rewrite history, and you have no need to. 

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): In case you didn’t know, the stars have a part time job at the library. Yesterday we were doing a project on inventions and one student invented the Disguise Machine. She said you could simply step inside, press the button, and become whatever you want. That’s what it’s like for you this week, so choose wisely.

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