Poetic License Horoscopes for March 9 – 15

By Jane Cassady:

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You have a knack for telling your friends exactly what they need to hear in order to evolve, bits of wisdom like prizes in a video game. Ask them to do the same, and collect their bright answers like coins.

Aries (March 21-April 18): To the Aries who is going for the Don Draper Merit Badge for Sleeping With One’s Boss—sure, I like to picture this happening in full Mad Men regalia, but you are sooooo much better than him—all the oomph, but light years more humane.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s anyone in your past who ever underestimated you and made you feel like you are less than your hot, gorgeous self, mentally compose this email (mentally!)  (Heading: Dear Jackass) “Sometimes I think about you and all of the fun you are missing.” Then go out and have some more fun. Ha!

Gemini (May 19-June 21): The stars are currently reading The Hunger Games trilogy—we’re right in the middle of Catching Fire and so are you! You are rising up like the districts, livid against wasteful oppressions, and I’m pretty sure you are going to win.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Let jealousy be your guide. Whatever someone else has that hurts your heart, write it out in deep detail, figure out exactly what it is and find a way to get a version of it that is just your own, at least for the time being.

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): More projects are on the way, ones that catch your fancy and fill you with momentum. Carry your camera, your notebooks, your sketchbooks everywhere. Blog, write, email, and voice-record your notes. You may not know what you are building, but you are building.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “This is my body, I fuck with it.” (Nicole Homer) This week, your job is to write love letters to your body, which does so much for you. Find it lots of treats and rewards, untoward or otherwise.

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): To the stars’ number one dance partner in the world—thank your for every minute of simple joy we can sneak in, for the omnipresent house music in our hearts, for the adorable smiles that go so well with our goth outfits. Let’s put some dancing on the calendar.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): Your true love is coming, and it looks like this: someone shy but with enough moxie to get you two together. Someone who appreciates your secret naughty side and the fact that you think the walk of shame should be renamed. Someone to add to your collection of naked pictures, mental or actual.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): Practice following your instincts. Write down three questions and close your eyes. When you open them, you’ll know the answers.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): I’m drawing a blank for you, Capricorn! You must know exactly what to do without me telling you?

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): “When things start to happen, don’t worry, don’t stew. Just go right along, you’ll start happening too!” (Dr. Seuss)

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