Poetic License Horoscopes for April 6 – 12

By Jane Cassady:

Aries (March 21-April 18): Buyers of romance novels purchase an average of fifty books per year, and those are pretty much all the same story. You’re a better and more original romantic, with at least fifty new stories per day.

Taurus (April 19-May 18): “People want to see their genitals on your face.” (Megan Andelloux, founder and director The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) And while you’re at it, look ‘em in the eye.

Gemini (May 19-June 21): “If you were to draw me in a comic book, / I would have a collar around my neck/ and the leash attached would be held by my heart. / It’d be a cartoony heart, more like a valentine/ and less like a fist.” (Rob Sturma)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Give up trying to keep up your correspondence and tell everyone to come visit you. That way, you’ll have a new bombshell or bearded stranger for every day of the week. Leave room for the stars on your dance card!

Leo (July 24- Aug. 23): Let us now praise introverts, sit down and talk to them one-on-one, leave spaces for them to get their words in and/or, even better, give them the house to themselves.

Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23):  “I had a legitimate excuse for not going to the/ mosque or temple to pray. / It was because love is so wild in me I might/ break the fragile glass cage that all/ religions are made of.” (Hafiz)

Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): The Universe is looking out for you and yours, I promise. Look at the flowers on the trees. Look at your beautiful body. Listen to the sweet hum of your caretaking heart.

Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): The stars hope you can take a day off work soon, sleep in with someone nice (Maybe yourself. Maybe the cats. Maybe a busty redhead who’s feeling experimental.) and take full advantage of spring fever.

Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec 22): This week, pretend you are Reid Mihalko, inventor of the cuddle party. Fill every room with warmth. Dispense hugs generously. But still, make space for yourself.

Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): On a panel about feminist porn, star and producer Tina Horn said “When people are given the freedom to do what they want, they do the nastiest shit I have ever seen.” Do whatever your empowered body tells you to, up to and including taking a nice nap.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Even if you are not in a position to light pretty flames in your hands and blow them out, you’ll find the warmth you need. When things are off-kilter, think of the comfortable distractions ready to run into your arms.

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Mike Daisy may have fabricated parts of his story about Apple in China, but one thing is still for sure: nearly everything is made by hand. Think of that and feel connected.

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