By Jane Cassady (If you love Poetic License Horoscopes, you’ll REALLY love For the Comfort of Automated Phrases, Jane’s debut collection of poetry. It’s coming in July. Pre-order it starting June 1!):
Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s someplace you can go where everybody’s pretty and special and fun, go to there. You’ll fit right in and find exactly what you need!
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Last weekend, we spent a fair number of hours playing Wii Jeopardy with my family, and here’s what I think: It’s much more enjoyable on the easy setting. Alex Trebek is less fun without the mustache. My Mii is due for a makeover. The answers are less like questions every day. (Confidential to K.C:YAAAAAAAY!)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Next time it rains, play hooky and catch up on your pleasure reading. Take one or several naps—you need to catch up on your dreaming to defragment your subconscious and start anew.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): “Take my love, take my land/ Take me where I cannot stand/ I don’t care, I’m still free/ You can’t take the sky from me.” (Firefly theme song) It’s a good time for a rewatch, isn’t it, dear?
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Give gifts to your inner teenager. Write her letters to tell her she is worthy and pretty. Indulge in the power-ballads of the Nineties. To paraphrase Motley Crue, you’re on your way, you’re on your wa-aa-ay, home sweet home.
Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): I like when I ask for request and people write entire predictions for me! Guest Libra Sam Richman says: “Your primal urges are pulling you into the forest and onto the dance floor. Keep listening to your body – there is ancient, inherited wisdom in it. Libras are all about heart, and the heart is often associated with sweetness & sensitivity, but it is also a muscular organ, and yours grows stronger every day.”
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It’s okay to crowd-source inspiration of you’re all out—ask your friends, both virtual and IRL, to send you love songs, attention, strength. They are sure to send exactly what you need.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): The answer to “Should I just go to sleep?” is usually “yes.” Go head, go to bed at 7:30 if you want to, you’ll wake up feeling like it’s a holiday.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Try someplace new. Take your book and a notebook. Write something or nothing. Read the bulletin board or stare into space. Strike up a conversation with a stranger and find out all of his or her adventures.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Your keyword for the week is “open.” Open your heart. Open the window and smell the rain. Open a book and don’t close it again til morning. Open your plans up for something new.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “We are not what they think we are, we are golden, we are golden.” (MIKA) This week, MIKA is your spirit animal—be more like him, a silly, happy, lollipop dream.
Aries (March 21-April 18): “At some point one’s prayers will become/ so powerful that they ca shake a full tree/ in an orchard in heaven and fruit will roll/ through the streets in this world.” (Hafiz)